Lucky asks Peggy to help him get his GED in the hopes of improving his chances of marrying Luanne. Peggy intentionally teaches him the wrong information so he’ll fail and give up the idea of marrying her niece, but then she starts to suspect that Luanne might be pregnant.

A young boy, Caleb, starts following Hank around, making fun of him and generally annoying him. Hank isn’t sure how to deal with such a young bully.

Instead of getting a job, Bobby and Joseph discover that they can make more money, and look cooler, by hanging out on street corners and begging.

When Buck gets banned from his favorite strip club, he refocuses on making Strickland Propane a “fun” place to work. He makes his employees dress in costumes, have sleepovers in the office and use hip catchphrases. It’s up to Hank to get everyone focused on selling propane again.

When Reverend Stroup gives the Hills’ pew at the Arlen First Methodist Church to another family, Hank and his family decide to find another church. A slick pastor tries to bribe the Hills into worshipping at his Megachurch.

Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from “American Chopper” to boost sales at the Propane Expo. When the ‘war’ goes too far, and the companies are all losing profit, Hank takes matters into his own hands, and calls a meeting. Unfortunately, the owners decide to ‘price fix’ and get caught. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownville Station tickets, in line 6 days before tickets go on sale.

Hank gets sucked into Kahn’s get-rich-quick scheme when Kahn buys the car wash that hosts car cruising on Friday nights. But Kahn wrecks the business by trying to cut corners, and gets bought out by Buck Strickland. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to figure out if Nancy is deliberately refusing to take her calls.

When Bobby attends the school’s job shadow program, he winds up interning for Peter Sterling, a man who runs a pooper-scooper business. Bobby is so impressed by Peter that he decides to pursue the same career. Meanwhile, Hank is trying to train Joseph at Strickland Propane.

In order to raise money to save the Tom Landry Middle School baseball program, Hank invites a Harlem Globetrotters-type softball team to compete against his community league Arlen Zephyrs. But Hank ruins the show by deciding to take the game seriously.

Kahn is accused of having become so assimilated that he’s a “banana” — the Asian equivalent of an “Oreo.” To get back to his Laotian heritage, Kahn adopts a simple lifestyle and abandons the swimming pool his neighbors helped build.

Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.

When Hank and Peggy try to clean up a historic Arlen landmark, they find out that the town was founded by harlots and was once a place of ill-repute. The new city manager uses the city’s rediscovered history to turn the town into a tourist trap for the adult porn industry. Frustrated by the changes, Hank decides to move the family – that is, until he is aided by adult actress Candee.

After Bill nurses Hank, Peggy and Bobby through the flu, he starts to feel lonely when there is no one else to take care of. Hank gets Bill to volunteer at a halfway house for alcoholics, and Bill invites the residents to stay with him. As more and more houseguests show up, Hank becomes determined to find them a permanent residence. Meanwhile, Peggy makes a promise to God that if she gets over the flu, she’ll learn to ride a bike, and Bobby makes her keep her promise.

When the Arlen Bystander gets a new editor, Peggy gets a job writing a household hints column. Except Peggy doesn’t know any household hints, so she gets Minh to supply her with housekeeping tips in exchange for the answers to the New York Times crossword puzzles. Meanwhile, Hank makes Bobby get a paper route.

Hank discovers that Dale and Boomhauer take yearly vacations together, and assumes that they are trying to avoid Bill. He invites his family and Bill along for a weekend at the beach, but during the trip, Hank realizes that his friends are actually trying to avoid him because he’s uptight and bossy. Peggy advises Hank to throw caution to the wind and have some fun with his buddies, but the results leave Hank and the guys overboard.

Desperate to be needed, Bill searches for a new hobby. He joins an all-male chorus, the Harmonaholics, and the guys are taken by surprise but vow to be supportive. When Bill goes AWOL to tour with the Harmonaholics, the guys go after him. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby undertake a Pong tournament at home.

Bobby tries out for the track team and, to Hank’s surprise, makes the cut. It turns out that the coach is using Bobby’s lack of ability to motivate the better runners on the team. Hank is mortified when he finds out the truth, and pushes Bobby to succeed.

When Channel 84 hires gung-ho meteorologist Irv Bennett, Nancy and her less-than-accurate weather reports are left out in the cold. Determined to remain an integral member of the news team, Nancy drives a stolen news van into a raging wildfire, aiming to scoop the competition. Meanwhile, Bobby is terrorized at school by a boy who keeps jumping out and startling him. Hank takes matters into his own hands, and is shocked to see that the bully’s father is a victim as well.

When smoking is banned in all Arlen restaurants and bars, an infuriated Dale stands up for the smoking community in an act of defiance by going from bar to bar disguised as the smoking bandit. When Joseph caomes to idolize the Bandit Dale tries to keep his identity unknown. Peggy seeks to uncover the smoking bandit’s secret identity for the Arlen Bystander.

John Redcorn tries to open a Native American gambling casino to provide a venue for his band, Big Mountain Fudgecake.

To pay off her credit card debt, Luanne takes a second job: skating with a roller derby team. Peggy ends up joining the team as well and the two of them get in even more financial trouble when they try to start their own team on borrowed money.

When the Tom Landry Middle School football team has to forfeit a game due to poor field maintenance, the booster club resolves to replace the school’s elderly groundskeeper, Smitty, and Hank resolves to help him keep his job by secretly doing upkeep on the field. Meanwhile, Luanne starts dating a redneck named Lucky, much to Peggy’s dismay.

When Hank forgets to mail his insurance payment, the coverage lapses for 36 hours, causing Hank and Bobby to go into a state of emergency to protect the house from any major disasters. Meanwhile, Dale decides to raise bees, Bill and Boomhauer discover the joys of deep-frying, and Peggy and Luanne get stuck at a rest stop when Hank won’t let them drive uninsured.

Hank’s co-worker Enrique is having marital problems, and starts spending all his time with Hank. Even though he feels he should stay out of it, Hank reluctantly agrees to help Enrique get back together with his wife. Meanwhile, Bobby tries to unblock the Fox network from the Hills’ TV.

When Hank agrees to take in a soldier’s pet, he gets Duke, a vicious, mean-spirited cat. Hank takes Duke to visit Dr. Leslie, a veterinarian who runs a battery of tests and presents Hank with a bill for several thousand dollars.

When Dale re-reads the Warren Commission Report, he is stunned to realize that maybe the government was right all along about who killed Kennedy. Dale decides to abandon his anti-government ways and becomes an insufferable flag-waving patriot. Meanwhile, Hank tries to battle through government red tape when his sex is listed as “female” on his new driver’s license.

Peggy becomes jealous of all the compliments Hank gets on his lawn. She tries to put her own imprint on the front yard by starting a garden, and to make it stand out, she buys a large, horrible-looking “Garden Gnome” that drives Hank crazy.

Cotton inherits $10,000 from the will of his friend Topsy, and goes to Mexico, with Bill in tow, to buy a timeshare. Feeling lonely after the death of his friend, Cotton gets suckered in by tales of the timeshare development’s owner, O’Kelly, and decides to buy — even though Americans cannot own land in Mexico. Meanwhile, Peggy, Bobby and Dale search for a pool to swim in.

When an elderly stranger, Ms. Wakefield, visits the Hill residence during Christmas, Hank is thrilled to show her his house since it was also her childhood home. However, when Ms. Wakefield announces that she wants to die in their house, Hank and Peggy want nothing more than for her to leave.

Peggy returns home to Montana to reconcile with her mother, only to find that her family may lose its land because of escalating property taxes caused by Hollywood stars moving to Montana.

Forced to decide between enrolling in shop class where he’ll work with guys and sharp objects, or joining the peer counseling class where he’ll talk lonely young girls through their problems, Bobby goes where the ladies are. But after a few days of giving advice to these crazy girls, Bobby is the one who needs counseling.

Connie is turned down for admission to a prestigious summer school because it already has too many Asian kids. Realizing that working hard and overachieving will never help them get ahead in life, Kahn and Minh decide to give up and live like beer-drinking, El Camino-driving rednecks.

When Hank suffers a back injury at work and none of his doctors can fix it, he tries the healing powers of yoga. At first, he finds it a little too wacky, but thanks to the help of Yogi Victor, he realizes that it actually works. Meanwhile, Hank’s insurance company sets out to prove that his worker’s compensation claim is false and Peggy fights to keep the old Pink & White market open.

Bobby’s knowledge of pop culture takes the Quiz Bowl team to the championships, but Bobby begins to buckle under the stress of competition.

Hank is outraged when he finds that the Texas State Fair Grill-Off doesn’t allow grilling with propane. Luanne, who wants to be treated like an adult, offers to help Hank organize a grilling protest. Luanne enlists the help of college protestors, which so appalls Hank that he kicks her off the protest. Determined to prove herself, Luanne climbs up into Big Tex, the State Fair’s giant mascot, and continues protesting on her own. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to visit a house where a famous murder took place, but the real estate agent is only letting in potential buyers.

After reviewing Bobby’s History textbook, Hank discovers that the story of the Alamo has been replaced. Hank teams up with Bruce Tuttle, an aspiring writer-director, to stage a re-enactment of the Battle of the Alamo, but Bruce creates a revisionist version of the story. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to use Flat Stanley to teach safety rules to children.

The success of Dale’s new security company is threatened when Cotton becomes the local auxiliary police officer.

When flood threatens the town, the Arlenites gather in the communal shelter: The Tom Landry gym. Hank is supposed to be in charge, but while he’s delayed at the town’s hydroelectric dam debating over whether or not to open the floodgates, Bill blunders his way into a leadership role. He finds the power and the adoration of the masses delicious and soon becomes a tinpot dictator, with Hank in the brig and Kahn as his right-hand man. Meantime, the kids go wild in the yearbook office, Peggy regresses, and Dale schemes to build an ark to float his family to safety.

When NHRA driver John Force needs an organ transplant, Dale is the only one who can save him. Hank encourages Dale to ignore his fear of hospitals and give up his kidney to save Force. Dale reluctantly agrees, but only if Hank takes his place being Dale for the day, a task that consists of outlandish duties.

Peggy volunteers to help with the school cheerleading squad, in order to get them to learn some cheers to motivate the football team. Up until now, the squad is only concerned with winning the dance competitons and trophies from other schools. When Peggy gets the crowds behind the team, the school principal replaces the current coach with Peggy….who takes it too far.