The movie begins with the birth of a sex toy invented in Shagistan in 1898 by Deepak Rushdie Obi Ben Kingsley, and tells the story of the subsequent decline of the British Empire as seen through the eyes of a Piano. The Piano narrates the tale of Dick; his two cousins: Emma, an emotionally stunted English girl; her kleptomaniac sister Helena and their dipsomaniac Aunt Maggie who all live together in a large, rambling, Edwardian novel. When the Reverend Whoopsie discovers a piano on a beach, a plot is set afoot that can be solved only by a private Dick, the incomprehensible Scottish sleuth Inspector McGuffin, who with the aid of Sergeant Ken Russell finally reveals the identity of the Houndsditch Mutilator.
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Six adventures go on a quest for a mystical cemetery. After disturbing the dead, they trigger an ancient curse that will destroy the entire world.
An ordinary man takes revenge only to find it’s made him the target of a major crime lord and his army of psychopaths and professional killers.
In an ethereal, high-ceilinged room, women stand, waiting. Perhaps it’s Purgatory and they’re dead. In the room, two young women, one an actress and the other a psychologist, watch the last few days of their lives on a TV screen. Both are having affairs with married men, each has a long encounter with her lover’s wife, and both these scenes take place in a ladies’ room, one backstage at a play that’s about to preview, the other at an opera house during the first act. The relationships between each pair of younger and older women take surprising turns, and in the room with the TV, a sylph asks probing and challenging questions of the two young women as they watch.
Emperor Wang (the Perverted) is leader of the planet Porno and sends his mighty “Sex Ray” towards Earth, turning everyone into sex-mad fiends. Only one man can save the Earth, football player Flesh Gordon. Along with his girlfriend Dale Ardor and Professor Flexi-Jerkoff, they set off towards the source of the Sex Ray, unaware of the perils that face them!
Jailed under a tough cop, an uneducated politician decides to spend his time studying for high school while his scheming wife has plans of her own.
Three female employees of the Federal Reserve plot to steal money that is about to be destroyed.
A 30-year-old career guy runs into a magical ‘celestial being’ at a point when he is becoming disillusioned with life. She tells him she can make all his wishes come true – including those from childhood.
Three sixty-something friends take a break from their day-to-day lives to throw a bachelor party in Las Vegas for their last remaining single pal.
Ollie is in love with a woman. When he discovers that she is already married, he tries to kill himself. Of course, the suicide is avoided and the boys join the Foreign Legion to get away from their troubles. Finally, they are arrested for trying to desert the Legion and to escape the firing squad by stealing a plane.