Kramer befriends a caddy, who helps him to improve his golf game and offer his other advice. George’s bosses consider him for a promotion when they think he is so dedicated to his work that he is there in the morning before everyone else and still there after they all leave. They don’t know that he’s just been leaving his car in the parking lot waiting for his free visit from a locksmith. Taking advantage of the situation, he and Susan go up north to her parent’s rebuilt cabin. Elaine meets an old rival who’s heir to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune and has never worn a bra. She wears the bra as a top and cause Kramer and Jerry to have an accident with George’s car. With George’s damaged car in the parking lot, the Yankees think he’s dead. Steinbrenner breaks the news to the Costanza’s. Kramer and Elaine take her rival to court and only Jerry may stand in the way.

Elaine is dating a jazz saxophonist who’s sponge-worthy but “he doesn’t really like to do everything.” Jerry tells one of the members of his band that the saxophonist and Elaine are “hot and heavy.” Kramer stocks up on supplies, including 50 cans of “Beef-A-Reeno”. Susan’s parents meet and have dinner with the Costanza’s for the first time. Both families obsess over a loaf of rye bread that wasn’t served with the meal, which Frank takes back home. Elaine’s boyfriend writes a song about “their relationship,” which later has a big impact on his career. Kramer takes over a friend’s horse-drawn carriage for a week and helps George out with his scheme to replace the rye bread. Unfortunately, he feeds the horse a can of “Beef-A-Reeno” right before giving the Ross’s their ride. Jerry manages to get his hands on a loaf of marble rye.

Kramer is active in the re-opening of an old movie theater. He also is keeping an eye on a friend, Lloyd, who’s recovering from a nervous breakdown. Lloyd has a pack of Chinese gum that Kramer insists everyone tries. George thinks the cashier short-changed him and meets a former neighbor (who’s had a breakdown) and his daughter, Deena. George lets his former neighbor look at his car. Elaine tries to avoid interacting with Lloyd, loses a button from her blouse and reveals herself to Lloyd and Kramer. Because of Elaine’s lie, Jerry must wear glasses while around Lloyd. Deena tells George that she thinks he is showing signs of being on the verge of a breakdown. George’s car, once owned by “Jon Voight”, catches fire. Elaine shows more to Lloyd. Jerry gets more gum. George keeps trying to convince Deena he’s not crazy.

Jerry finds the number of girl he wants to contact on Kramer’s AIDS walk sponsor list. After finding out that her preferred method of birth control is only available in a limited supply, Elaine must decide whether her current boyfriend is “sponge worthy.” George tells Susan the secret of the size of Jerry’s jeans and that leads to a fight about all secrets, he tells her another of Jerry’s secrets when they make up. Jerry finds out that George told Susan one of his secrets and now he’s “out of the loop.” Elaine adjusts her screening process to find worthy candidates. Kramer causes a disturbance at the AIDS walk when he won’t “wear the ribbon.”

Elaine has tickets for a historical clothing exhibit and realizes that she has no female friends; Jerry suggests that she ask Susan. Kramer suggests that is the wrong move and that George’s worlds will collide. Jerry meets his pool guy outside a movie, and then he can’t get rid of him. George is worried by Elaine wanting to get to know Susan, then he finds out it was Jerry’s idea. Kramer’s new phone number is similar to a film information line. When Kramer keeps getting wrong numbers, he begins giving out the information for movie show times a la “Moviefone.”

George tries to keep his ATM code a secret from Susan. Elaine is puzzled by a man she once met at a party and talked to for ten minutes, doesn’t remember her, but he does remember other party details. Leapin’ Larry, a one-legged man, wants Jerry to do spots for his store, but he is angered when he thinks Jerry is doing an impression of him. Kramer gets an emergency band scanner and decides to help reorganize operations at the NYFD. Elaine doesn’t want to go on a date with her boss, the storyteller, so she leaves Jerry and George at the restaurant. Jerry escapes, but George isn’t as lucky. He is forced to accompany Peterman to his Momma’s house, where he winds up staying all night and tells her his secret code before she dies. That is her last word. George’s code is needed in a life or death situation.

While on their way to the “soup place” Elaine finds an antique armoire she wants. George makes a mistake while trying to get his soup from the “Soup Nazi.” Elaine isn’t allowed to move her armoire into her building, so Kramer offers to watch it for her, out on the street. George and Elaine discuss how annoyed they are by Jerry’s sweet-talking with his current girlfriend, especially their calling each other “Schmoopie.” Elaine makes an ordering error in front of the “Soup Nazi,” gets on his bad side and is banned for a year. In broad daylight and in Kramer’s presence, two “tough” guys come along and take Elaine’s armoire. Kramer relates the story of the armoire to the “Soup Nazi,” who says he has an armoire in the basement that Kramer can have. Jerry’s girlfriend makes a faux pas in the “soup place” and Jerry disavows any knowledge of her. George confronts Jerry and reminds him about their pact. George and Susan see Jerry and his girlfriend at the diner and they begin to compete against each other. Susan appreciates that George is finally showing his feelings in public. Kramer gives Elaine the armoire and tells her where he got it. Elaine goes to thank the “Soup Nazi” but gets even further on his bad side. Jerry discovers the armoire contains the “Soup Nazi”‘s recipes and Elaine takes them for her final confrontation with the “Soup Nazi.”

George picks up a bad habit from some visiting baseball officials. During the time of the New York City Marathon, Elaine has an out of country runner as her house guest. The runner had overslept and missed the big race at the last Olympics and Jerry obsesses with ensuring that it doesn’t happen again. Kramer gets a hot tub from his friend Lomez and Elaine has writer’s block.

Elaine gets a blind date with the guy from her wake-up service; however, he likes dogs. A bit of grapefruit pulp, from Jerry’s healthy breakfast, gets into George’s eye and causes problems for him when his winks keep getting misinterpreted. Jerry’s healthy diet conflicts with his dating of Elaine’s cousin. Kramer promises a sick boy that Yankee Paul O’Neill will hit two home runs for him, so he can get back a birthday card that he sold based on George’s wink.

George is feeling the pressures of his relationship with Susan and decides that he needs to help a security guard that works at her uncle’s store. Kramer’s friend “Maestro,” makes a comment about getting a rental property in Tuscany that makes Jerry decide to do some research. Elaine begins dating the “Maestro.” Kramer’s out of court settlement in his lawsuit against the coffee house, free coffee at any location around the world, gets him “hopped up on the caffeine.” Jerry asks Poppy about Tuscany and is referred to Poppy’s cousin, who makes him an offer he can’t refuse.

Elaine’s dog problem is solved by a neighborly rabbi with a cable show. Kramer’s involvement in the dognapping worries him when he finds out about its impact on his permanent record. Overwhelmed with it all, George decides he wants to postpone the engagement. Elaine isn’t “concerned” with George’s intentions, but is really jealous that he’s the first of the group to get engaged. The neighborly rabbi offers advice on her problem, that he later relates to Jerry and anyone else who’ll listen. Kramer and Jerry try to see “Plan 9 From Outer Space”; however, Kramer “tries” to sneak in a gourmet coffee, spills it and his lawyer says he has a case.

Jerry and George reevaluate their relationships with women, so they make “a pact” to change their ways, though Jerry doesn’t know it. Elaine has a problem sleeping in her new apartment because of a nearby constantly barking dog; Kramer recommends a solution. George gets back with Susan, his former girlfriend from NBC; he asks her to marry him, and after a couple hours of convincing she says yes. Kramer, his solution (Newman) and Elaine commit a dognapping and take the dog far out of the city. Jerry breaks up with his girlfriend again; however, George is now trapped in his relationship with Susan, almost to the point where he is married already. Elaine almost gets a good night of sleep.

George and Jerry are suspected, by the cast and Kramer, of deliberately injuring Bette Midler during a softball game, giving Jerry’s girlfriend, Bette’s understudy, a chance to perform. Kramer becomes Bette’s personal assistant. Elaine gets George’s father to translate for her when she suspects that her manicurist has made some obvious snide remarks in a foreign tongue. While crying about losing her manicurists, Elaine meets the owner of a catalog, J. Peterman, and gets herself a new job.

George and his girlfriend discuss toilet paper and he is in love. Elaine’s boyfriend paints his face and his behavior at a hockey game, disturbs Jerry, Elaine and a passing priest. A monkey throws a banana peel at Kramer, when he throws it back, the monkey becomes depressed and the zoo demands an apology. George tries to tell his girlfriend that he loves her, but her reaction surprises him. Jerry refuses to give the “necessary” follow-up courtesy thank you for the hockey tickets and Kramer is outraged.

After his quick trip to Ithaca, Jerry plans to meet a super model at an airport club, but his assistant, Katie, makes the trip a nightmare. Elaine says she will quit working for Mr. Pitt, but finds out that she’s going to be in his will. She becomes a suspect when he overdoses his medication. George tries to prove to his boss that he is not a racist, when he says his boss looks like “Sugar” Ray Leonard. To prove it, he tries to find anyone who’s black that will be his friend. While at the airport club, Kramer meets a rich Texan with whom he starts making bets. Kramer hasn’t gambled in three years and when he begins to lose, he calls in Newman for reinforcement.

Estelle is getting an eye job. Kramer gets his new license plates from the DMV, but the plates say “ASSMAN.” Jerry is disturbed when he finds out his mechanic used his “move” on Elaine while making love to her. Kramer makes a statue of Jerry out of fusilli pasta and he makes the most of his new license plates. Jerry confronts his mechanic and later requires his services. Frank becomes the unwitting victim of one of those “freak” accidents proctologists are always telling stories about.

Jerry is disgusted when he finds out he was eating pecans that were just in his girlfriend’s mouth. George finds a doodle that his girlfriend drew of him. Kramer is eating some tasty peaches that come in season for two weeks every year. Fleas force Jerry and his visiting parents out his apartment. Elaine has an interview with a publisher that has suite of rooms at a fancy hotel and that is where Jerry parents get to stay. Jerry stays with his girlfriend. Elaine must go into Jerry’s fumigated apartment to get an unpublished manuscript that she is supposed to read for her interview and she can’t find it, but Kramer read it in Jerry’s apartment and the gas causes him to lose his sense of taste. George finds out that his girlfriend really doesn’t care what he looks like. Jerry figures out that Newman gave him the fleas. Meanwhile, Jerry’s parents, Uncle Leo and Nana live high on the hog at the hotel.

The guys play a game of basketball with “the Jimmy,” a man who talks about himself in the third person. Jimmy sells odd shaped training shoes and George is an interested investor. Fresh from the gym, he attends a Yankees meeting about thefts, during which he sweats profusely. Jerry goes to the dental office and discovers they now carry Penthouse in the waiting room. Elaine gets tickets to a benefit for the AMCA (Able Mentally Challenged Adults) featuring Mel Torme, the “Velvet Fog.” Elaine tries to meet a handsome guy at the gym, but instead talks with “the Jimmy,” who makes the date for himself. On a follow-up visit to the dental office, Jerry feels the dentist and his hygienist may have lived out a fantasy during his time in the chair, the type of thing you might read in Penthouse. Kramer has a visit to the dentist complete with Novocain, later while wearing a pair of Jimmy’s shoes, winds up getting a him a seat at the main table of the benefit.

The doorman in Mr. Pitt’s building, cause’s trouble for Jerry who was only trying to be nice. Kramer robs George on the street for some German tourists. George’s father is living with him and when he removes his shirt, George and Kramer see that he has breasts. So, Kramer develops a new undergarment for males (“The Bro” or “The Manssiere”) that will alleviate this problem. Jerry offers his soiled couch to replace the one that was stolen while he was “on duty.”

Elaine’s friend, a physical therapist, whom Jerry must “kiss hello,” has an old style hairdo, that Jerry and Elaine want Kramer to comment on. Jerry’s grandmother wants him to open a ketchup bottle and she tells a story about some money that Uncle Leo was supposed to give his sister. Jerry’s father is anxious to collect the money and interest Leo owes. Kramer puts tenant pictures up in the lobby and soon Jerry is giving every woman in the building, the “kiss hello”; however, when he stops, he becomes unpopular. George gets his arm looked at, misses a follow up appointment and must pay for that visit. The therapist skips out on her patients, including George, and goes skiing with Elaine. After their trip, she drops Elaine off 3 blocks from her apartment. Elaine injures her shoulder carrying her equipment home, and can’t get any complementary treatment. Jerry gets proof of his uncle’s dishonesty.

Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality. George, who’s now wearing his toupee, discovers that the woman Kramer has set him up with, is bald. Kramer gives a homeless man some Chinese food and begins standing in police lineups for $50 a lineup. Jerry begins to date a cop, but she wants him to take a lie detector test, she thinks he is lying about NOT watching Melrose Place.

Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a “show about nothing.”

Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a “show about nothing.”

George meets an old friend who’s spent the last few months undergoing chemotherapy, that everyone knew except him. Kramer calls a litterbug “a pig” near a cop who’s on a quest to catch a longtime parking ticket scofflaw. Kramer wanting to change his image, asks Elaine where her old boyfriend got his glasses. He goes to see him at a book signing and says hi for Elaine, that means that she has lost the “upper hand” in their breakup, so she confronts him and then gets even by getting a copy of his glasses. George finds out from Gary, that he lied about his cancer and has been taking advantage of Jerry’s kindness. Kramer discovers the identity of “the scofflaw.” George gets a toupee.

Elaine and Jerry are suspicious of a friend’s gift, when a gift Elaine gave him, a label maker, is given to Jerry in return for some Superbowl tickets Jerry has but can’t use because “The Drake” is getting married on Superbowl Sunday and he is in the wedding party. George convinces his girlfriend to get her male roommate to move out, that he soon regrets. Kramer takes playing a game of Risk against Newman seriously. The Superbowl tickets pass through several hands and Jerry sees the game with his worst nightmare.

Elaine lets a potential employer borrow Mr. Pitt’s tennis racket, but the injury suffered may ruin her chances, especially when she must get his racket back. Jerry’s girlfriend never laughs, but he meets her roommate who does, so Jerry decides he would like to make “the switch.” George’s model girlfriend may be bulimic. He needs proof, so he meets Kramer’s mother, who’s a bathroom matron. While there he finds out Kramer’s first name, Cosmo. Kramer decides it is time to be himself and begins to use his first name. George has the perfect plan for “the switch,” a menage a trois.

Through his current girlfriend, Lois, Jerry meets an old rival, who suspects that he cheated in a high school race and he wants a rematch with Jerry to prove he was faster. Elaine is put on a “blacklist” for Chinese food delivery and finds out her boyfriend is a Communist. George responds to a personal ad in a Communist newspaper while at work, when Steinbrenner hears about it, he wants to see George in his office. Through his friend Mickey, Kramer becomes a department store Santa, who later spouts out Communist propaganda.

Jerry confronts his dry cleaner, whom he spotted wearing a jacket that he brought in for cleaning. George passes over hiring an attractive secretary for a less attractive one, he thinks he’ll be able to get some work done; however, the secretary’s efficiency turns him on, so he gets her a raise and then she makes more than he does. Kramer gets Uma Thurman’s phone number and sells Bania his suit at a women’s clothing store then he hides in a dressing room until he can get some clothing. At this same store, Elaine tries to buy a dress, but is unsatisfied with the size of the mirrors in the store.

A salesman convinces George to buy a convertible once owned by “Jon Voight.” Kramer tries to save a small shoe-repair business, but his good intentions affect Jerry in a big way. Elaine wins tickets for Mr. Pitt, who’s always wanted to participate in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Elaine brings over a man she met in England and he turns out to be a real bounder. Jerry accepts an Armani suit from an obnoxious comedian, the only condition, he must treat him to a meal at a restaurant; however, what makes up a meal. George goes for a walk with a waitress from Monk’s and manure in the path sums up his relationship with her. After his kidney stone, Kramer decides to eat only fresh foods.

George and Kramer convince Jerry he’ll be missing out on something if he stops dating a Romanian Olympic gymnast. Jerry and Kramer find out about one of George’s bathroom habits. Kramer must pass a kidney stone. The mother of George’s girlfriend sees him eat something out of a trash bin, later cleaning a windshield & one of his bathroom habits. Elaine’s boss becomes obsessed with finding the image in a 3-D painting, so he sends her to represent him in a huge merger deal.

Elaine begins to date the guy who delivers Jerry’s new couch. Kramer plans to start the pizza business he thought of back in “Male Unbonding” with Poppie. George joins a book club, but tries to rent the movie so he can bluff his way through the meeting. Jerry and Elaine’s discussion of the abortion issue causes trouble for Poppie, Elaine’s relationship & Jerry’s new couch. George spends the evening with the family that has rented the film.

Jerry and Elaine see George’s father with a man with a cape but don’t say hello. Jerry discovers a Chinese woman on George’s phone line after the wires get crossed and he gets a date with her. Kramer gets worried about his sperm count, so he goes to a fertility clinic and then makes a change in his choice of undergarments. Elaine ruins her friend Noreen’s latest romance with a long talker. The Chinese woman turns out to be Jewish and from Long Island. Estelle gets advice about her relationship with Frank from the Chinese woman, but discounts it when she meets her. George’s life is made miserable when his parent’s separate.

Jerry comments that a friend was hitting on him and Elaine tries to find out if what was true, but gets the voice of the woman and her current boyfriend confused. Elaine’s boss eats his Snickers bar with a knife and fork and idea that soon catches on. George thinks a waitress gave him the finger. Jerry gets caught throwing away a thank you card. Jerry cashes some old birthday checks from his grandmother. Jerry’s working a PBS pledge drive and gets George to bring a Yankee to appear with him, while en-route to the studio, someone gives George the finger.

Elaine’s boss wants a special mechanical pencil, so Elaine tries to get one from a stationary store where the clerk has a thing for her. George and his girlfriend pick up a “big salad” for Elaine, that his girlfriend gives to Elaine and she thanks her. Later, George points out that he bought the “big salad.” Jerry discovers that his current girlfriend once dated Newman, who broke off his relationship with her. Kramer plays golf with an ex-ball player who breaks a rule of golf, they have a fight, and later the ball player is wanted for questioning in the murder of a dry cleaner, where a golf tee was involved. Kramer later helps him evade the police in a white Ford Bronco.

Jerry gets a date with Miss Rhode Island, a Miss America contestant; when they need a chaperone Kramer is available. On the date, Kramer gives her advice and becomes her personal coach. Elaine tries to get a job at Doubleday, filling in the shoes once filled by Jackie Onassis; instead she gets a job being the personal assistant of a top executive who likes white socks. Meanwhile, George decides that the Yankees need to change their uniforms from polyester to cotton.

George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents’ house. Things begin to be unlucky for Elaine after she buys a box of “Jujyfruits.” Kramer appears on Regis & Kathie Lee to promote his coffee table book. Rachel wants to break up with Jerry and he readily agrees, because his luck has been “even Steven.” Elaine’s eating of “Jujyfruits” causes Pendant Publishing to go under, and later she realizes that she and George have traded places.

Everyone makes a trip to the Hamptons to “see the baby” and enjoy the weekend. George’s girlfriend goes topless and everyone sees her chest before he does. “The baby” is the most hideous thing they’ve ever seen. Elaine is confused when a handsome doctor refers to her as “breathtaking” – the same term he later uses to describe the baby. Kramer finds a filled lobster trap. Jerry’s girlfriend sees George naked, after he’s just gotten out of the pool, so something isn’t as it should be.

Kramer is dating one of Elaine’s co-workers, a woman who drives her crazy. Kramer brings her to one of Jerry’s shows, where she heckles him relentlessly; unfortunately there is a national magazine critic in the audience. George panics when there is a fire at his girlfriend’s apartment, during her son’s birthday party. Jerry decides to get revenge by heckling the woman where she works. She runs out of the office onto the street and loses her pinkie toe. Kramer finds the toe, takes a bus to the hospital and saves the passengers from a gunman. Inspired by Kramer’s tale, George tries to confront his feelings of cowardice.

Jerry and his girlfriend get some time alone with each other at a movie, Schindler’s List, they don’t see it; however, Newman sees it and them. A delay in the shipment of the raincoats will make the Seinfelds miss their flight to France, George uses this as an opportunity to get his “little” brother back to his father. The Seinfelds manage to avoid meeting the Costanzas in New York City.