When they begin to gain weight, Jerry and Elaine suspect that Kramer has made a bad investment in a non-fat yogurt shop. Jerry inadvertently uses the “F” word, as a result so does Meredith’s son Matthew, a lot. George meets an old childhood friend whom he is convinced is trying to humiliate him. Elaine begins dating this friend and gives him an idea for his mayoral candidate’s campaign. Kramer’s date with a lab technician results in strange test results for the future mayor of New York City.

Jerry is smitten with a line judge at the US Open, but after he gets her attention, he finds out she is deaf. Elaine has a problem not communicating with a limo driver. George wants to use Jerry’s girlfriend to read the lips of his ex-girlfriend to find out what she is saying about him. While she is reading the lips, Kramer does the translation, that gets George in more trouble. Kramer becomes a ball man at the Open, when Monica Seles returns to tennis.

George gets a great parking spot that becomes a target. Kramer thinks that he has stumbled on the product of a genetic engineering experiment, a “pig man.” Elaine and Jerry are nervous about the religious duties they must do when they agree to become godparents to a couple’s newborn, including getting the Mohel and holding the baby for the circumcision.

George’s father gets him an interview as a bra salesman. Evidence points to Jerry’s accountant being a drug user. So Jerry, Kramer and Newman set out to find out the truth. Elaine’s new boyfriend is perfect except for his use of an exclamation point.

George’s glasses are stolen and he needs a new pair, so he goes to see Kramer’s friend to get a thirty percent discount; all Elaine gets is bitten by a dog and then she becomes afraid of them. While not wearing his glasses, George thinks he sees Jerry’s girlfriend kissing Jerry’s cousin and Jerry tries to figure out if it’s true.

George is forced to move in with his parents. He gets a job as a hand model and becomes obsessed with keeping his hands safe. Kramer’s girlfriend, who designs clothes and talks with a real low voice, asks Jerry a question that he politely answers yes to. He agrees to wear one of her new puffy pirate shirts on a Today Show appearance he is making.

George tells Jerry about his lack of confidence below “the equator.” Jerry begs Elaine for another chance when he finds out she faked her orgasms. Kramer gets banned from his favorite fruit shop.

Rehearsals for the pilot begin. Russell’s obsession with Elaine begins to affect his work. George asks TV Kramer about the raisins. The real Kramer might be forced to work on his plumbing problem by using the “dreaded apparatus.” Elaine gets an investigation started on the owner of the diner. George gets the results of the biopsy of his white spot. At the taping of the pilot, Elaine sneaks in disguised and “Crazy” Joe jumps out of the audience. Elaine finds Morty’s wallet in Jerry’s couch. Everyone from the past season comments on the pilot as it’s broadcast, they all think it’s great. When Russell disappears, the fate of the pilot is in the hands of the new president, a person convinced that Jerry can’t act.

Jerry and George get the green light to produce Jerry, the pilot for the series based on their “nothing” lives. Russell Dalrimple, the president at NBC behind the pilot, is obsessed with Elaine. George is obsessed with a white spot on his lip and a box of raisins taken by actor playing Kramer. The real Kramer has an internal plumbing problem and on his way to fix it, he gets delayed and is caused to “miss his chance.” Jerry has an audition with the new “Elaine,” a method actress interested in being Elaine in every way. The real Elaine has a problem with the coffee shop, they appear to be only hiring buxom waitresses, so she tries to get hired and files a report.

Going out to buy an engagement party present for “The Drake,” George parks his father’s car in a handicap parking spot, after taking Kramer’s advice. An angry mob trashes the vehicle when a disabled woman gets injured, because of the illegal parking. While visiting the woman at the hospital, Kramer falls in love and feels compelled to replace the wheelchair. George becomes his father’s butler after his father gets arrested for parking in the spot.

The strong body odor of a valet is left in Jerry’s car. George can’t believe it when he spots Susan holding hands with another woman. Elaine loses her current boyfriend and Jerry is forced to try to sell the car, because the odor has taken a life of its own and permeated everything. George is turned by Susan’s new outlook on life. Susan’s friend is swayed to heterosexuality by Kramer, though later turned back off by a whiff of a jacket that Kramer borrowed from Jerry. When the car can’t be sold, Jerry winds up leaving it and the keys out on the street.

Jerry has a date with a woman whose name he has forgotten, but it “rhymes with a female body part.” Could it be “Mulva”? Elaine visits an old boyfriend who’s in the hospital for an operation; he was once fat, thin she’s interested again. Kramer gets an opportunity to witness the operation and he drags Jerry along, while watching they have an accident with a “Junior Mint.”

Jerry dumps his girlfriend after Elaine says her figure is the result of implants. Kramer claims to have seen Salman Rushdie at the health club. By accident Elaine later discovers the breasts are real. George accompanies his current girlfriend to Detroit for her aunt’s wake. While there he tries to get a copy of her death certificate so he can get a 50% discount on the airfare.

Jerry, Elaine & George volunteer to help the elderly. Jerry gets assigned to a nasty old man. Elaine is repulsed by the goiter problems of hers and George depresses his charge. Kramer and Newman try the business of selling old records to a used record store. Jerry loses track of his man when they try to take him to the dentist to repair his dentures, after the man had bitten Kramer’s arm.

No thanks to Elaine, Jerry must work hard to prove he is straight when a college reporter mistakenly reports that he and George are gay, “not that there is anything wrong with that.” Things really get out of hand when the article is picked up by the New York Post.

Jerry and George struggle to keep their idea for a TV series alive, one of their problems is they don’t know how to do the Elaine character. Jerry meets an old girlfriend he never could kiss, later Kramer gets the opportunity. The ex-girlfriend talks about Elaine’s shoes, mainly because she wants them. George is caught staring at the cleavage of the daughter of the NBC executive who is approving their script. Elaine’s cleavage provides a means to turn the tables on him.

George meets a Chinese female lawyer who thinks he is real funny; so he tells Jerry not to be funny around her, but she becomes attracted to this. Kramer returns early from baseball fantasy camp, where he accidentally punched Mickey Mantle. A mix-up with Jerry’s mail causes Babu to be arrested for not renewing his visa. Jerry tries to get the lawyer to help Babu, but George’s honesty when his relationship is threatened causes Babu to be deported and Elaine to still be sued by the delivery boy she hit.

Jerry tries to make two show dates and afterwards go to the movie theater to meet everyone. George gets in the wrong line for tickets. George, Elaine & Kramer decide to go to another theater to see the movie. Kramer waits outside for Jerry but also wants a hot dog. Jerry misses his first show, then goes to movie theater to tell everyone he won’t make the movie, but no one is there. Through a comedy of errors, everyone (but Kramer) misses the movie, they were originally going to see.

Elaine is humiliated when she accidentally shows a bit too much on her Christmas card photo, that she has sent out to everyone she knows. Jerry has a date with the model from the plane, she later dumps Jerry because of “The Pick.” George tries to reunite with Susan, but realizes it’s a mistake, and uses “The Pick”. Kramer goes to Calvin Klein to complain about “The Ocean,” a fragrance they stole from him, and is asked to pose for a risqué underwear advertisement.

When their flight home gets canceled, Jerry & Elaine gets on another flight, the latter gets cramped into coach and Jerry parties in 1st class with a model. George and Kramer go between JFK and La Guardia to pick them up. When they settle on an airport George meets a convict and Kramer sees a man who owes him $240 from years ago.

George’s mother throws her back out when she falls down after catching him doing “you know.” When George says he’ll never do it again, Jerry challenges him to a contest of self-denial, when he accepts, Elaine and Kramer want in on the action, or rather the lack of it.

After much procrastination, George and Jerry strain to think of an idea for their TV series a few hours before a meeting with NBC executives. Jerry finds out a girl he once met is still a virgin, and later Elaine educates her about men after sex. George wants to end his relationship with Susan so he can exploit his writing profession as a pick-up line. Elaine runs into a Chinese delivery boy. Kramer watches too much television.

“Crazy” Joe leaves Jerry a message saying he will put the “kibosh” on him. Kramer has tickets for the opera, Pagliacci, and everyone is going including Elaine and her boyfriend “Crazy” Joe. Elaine drops in on Joe’s apartment and is she surprised by what she discovers, so she maces him with cherry Binaca and ends their relationship. Susan can’t attend, so George tries to scalp her ticket. Joe, a big fan of Pagliacci, comes to the opera in clown garb; Elaine and Jerry attend together not realizing their different estranged relationships with Joe.

Jerry and George begin to work on the pilot for the series they pitched to NBC. Jerry says the wrong thing while “messing” around with one of Elaine’s co-workers. George & Susan tell her father about the cabin fire, he becomes distraught and letters saved from the fire soon explain why. Kramer goes to the Cuban Embassy in search of cigars and makes a deal.

Jerry’s girlfriend, Naomi has a laugh that sounds like “Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer,” and when she hears George’s message to Jerry, she breaks up with him. So instead, Jerry asks Elaine to accompany him on a trip to a cabin in the mountain with George and Susan. Kramer isn’t invited. Jerry agrees to a side trip to visit a sick fan, a “Bubble Boy.” George gets into a fight with the “Bubble Boy” over the correct answer to a Trivial Pursuit question. Kramer and Naomi also make the trip to the cabin and get the fire started.

Jerry has dinner with his parents and Uncle Leo. Women, who’s paying and the watch are all discussed. Elaine uses Kramer as “her boyfriend” in trying to fool her shrink. George gets Russell’s address and tries to get the pilot reinstated. Jerry tries to buy back the watch. Outside her shrink’s office, Elaine meets “Crazy” Joe, whom she begins to date.

Jerry’s parents come to town to see a back specialist, they hear about “Crazy” Joe not liking Jerry and ask about the watch they gave him. George “negotiates” the deal with the NBC and gets a box of cigars from Susan’s father. While at the doctor’s office Morty’s wallet is “stolen.” Elaine returns from her trip and tries to end her relationship with her shrink. The deal with NBC is lost.

Kramer suffers side effects from his head injury. NBC gives Jerry and George another meeting and on the way, Jerry throws out a watch his parents gave him. He then meets his Uncle Leo, who picks the watch out of the garbage. Kramer agrees to be an alibi for Newman’s trial on a speeding ticket. George and Jerry meet with NBC executives and they give the go ahead for a pilot. Later they hide in the coffee shop, afraid of an attack from “Crazy” Joe. Elaine’s shrink realizes that he didn’t leave an extra prescription for Joe Davola, for the time while he’s on vacation.

NBC executives ask Jerry to come up with an idea for a TV series. George decides he can be a sitcom writer and comes up with “nothing.” Kramer trades a radar detector for a helmet, later Newman gets a speeding ticket. While waiting to meet the NBC executives, George and Jerry meet Joe Davola, a writer and “a total nut” who goes to the same shrink as Elaine. Jerry searching for conversation, mentions Kramer’s party, whereto Joe wasn’t invited. While discussing the disaster of the meeting with NBC, George focuses on starting a relationship with the female NBC executive. Kramer shows his approval by throwing up on her. The helmet saves Kramer from an attack by “Crazy” Joe Davola. While all this is going on Elaine is in Europe with her shrink.

Jerry and George try to contact the police to tell them Kramer is innocent. Kramer still doesn’t know he’s wanted. Jerry and George get a ride in a police car and while en route the officers pick up a possible 519. The 519 suspect is put in the back of the car with George and Jerry and they ask him tipping advice. Then all units are called in on Kramer’s building, Jerry and George leave the police car door open and the 519 suspect escapes. While Kramer is in for questioning, another victim is found. He is let go and Jerry and George want to know what he is going to do, he is going to stay in LA. Jerry and George are back in New York and Kramer turns up like nothings changed.

With Elaine in Europe, Jerry asks George to accompany him on a trip to LA and The Tonight Show; while there they will try to locate Kramer. While auditioning, Kramer must deal with the advances of an older female landlord (an actress who hasn’t worked since 1934) and get someone in Hollywood to read his script treatment. A body is discovered; the victim, a young woman, was strangled. Kramer meets a woman at an audition and he gives her a copy of his script. Jerry loses the correct phrasing for some new jokes and George tries to get Lupe, the chambermaid, to make his bed just right. At The Tonight Show, George disturbs the guests and Jerry bombs. The woman Kramer gave the script to is strangled and his script is found in her possession. Kramer’s face is shown on the news as the prime suspect for the “Smog Strangler,” a serial-killer.

Kramer invades Jerry’s life too much, so Jerry revokes his spare key privileges. Realizing that he has broken the “covenant of the keys” gives Kramer the realization he is now free to come out of the shadows. Kramer takes off for California to follow his acting dream. Jerry gave his spare keys to Elaine, then when he needs them, he goes with George to Elaine’s (who has her keys) to search for his spare set. What they find is Elaine’s show-biz project. Kramer finds adventure as he journeys across the country to LA where he gets a famous bit part on Murphy Brown.

Kramer tells Jerry about something his friend Mike said about Jerry being “a phony.” After borrowing Jerry’s car, Elaine comes up with a wild story, because the car is now making a strange clanking noise. George gets into a confrontation with Mike about a parking space in front of Jerry’s apartment. Everyone on the street debates about parking etiquette.

Kramer poses for a painting, that an elderly couple becomes just crazy about. George feels obligated to buy something when he accompanies Jerry to his new girlfriend’s art studio. Elaine wears an Orioles baseball cap in the owner’s box at Yankee Stadium and refuses to remove it. Jerry finds out his new girlfriend is a plagiarist after he hears the words she wrote in a letter, on television. Elaine gets a chance to return to Yankee Stadium.

Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then he wants to date her, after dating her he finds out she hit another woman he’s always wanted to date. George has an affair with Elaine’s friend. Kramer has violent reactions to Mary Hart’s voice.

On a whim, Jerry and George take a limo from a passenger that Jerry knows never made it on the plane. While taking the limo they call Elaine & Kramer to join them for an event at Madison Square Garden, but it isn’t the type of event they were hoping for.

George tries two more approaches with the unemployment officer. Kramer gets Jerry to accompany him to see a former neighbors’ new baby, “you got to see the baby.” Though he’s gone out with Keith once, does that mean he must help him move. Elaine and Keith are hitting it off until he pulls out a cigarette. George wants to sleep with a really tall woman. Keith supports the “second spitter theory.” Jerry and Elaine both breakup with Keith and George might get his wish.

Jerry meets Keith Hernandez and wants to make a good impression. Meanwhile, George is out of time on his unemployment and he works harder than ever on his scheme to get a 13 week extension. He tells the unemployment office he was really close on Vandelay Industries, a company that makes latex products and whose main office is Jerry’s apartment. Kramer and Newman hate Hernandez back to a time when they were allegedly spit on by him; however, Jerry supports the “second-spitter theory.” Keith asks Jerry about Elaine’s status. Keith makes a date with her and breaks a date with Jerry.

After selling each other on the idea, Jerry and Elaine sell George and Elaine’s friend on a blind date, then they await the results. They promise to keep each other updated with “full disclosure,” though that doesn’t happen. There also may be a problem with a defective condom. “My boys can swim!”

Elaine needs to fast before an x-ray, so she tries stuffing herself three days before the test. After his neighbor Martin tries suicide, Jerry is hit on by his girlfriend, Gina, while at the hospital. A psychic warns George to cancel his vacation to the Cayman Islands, but never can tell George why. Jerry becomes worried when Newman (a friend of Martins) sees him with Gina. Elaine starts hallucinating from hunger. Everything hinges on a Drake’s coffee cake.