Returning for his fifth year of study at Hogwarts, Harry is stunned to find that his warnings about the return of Lord Voldemort have been ignored. Left with no choice, Harry takes matters into his own hands, training a small group of students – dubbed ‘Dumbledore’s Army’ – to defend themselves against the dark arts.

At Phoenix Progressive School, students take notes lying on parlor couches and are encouraged to explore their gifts through electives like break-dancing and graphic-novel writing. In the midst of all this liberal pedagogy and budding talent, Molly Maxwell feels unexceptional, until she embarks on a photography independent study under the tutelage of her attractive English teacher, Ben. Their relationship quickly evolves beyond the darkroom, introducing Molly to the throes of a first love, and putting Ben’s job in jeopardy.

A highly-evolved planet, whose denizens feel no emotion and reproduce by cloning, plans to take over Earth from the inside by sending an operative, fashioned with a humming, mechanical penis, to impregnate an earthling and stay until the birth. The alien, Harold Anderson, goes to Phoenix as a banker and sets to work finding a mate. His approaches to women are inept, and the humming phallus doesn’t help, but on the advice of a banking colleague, he cruises an AA meeting, meets Susan, and somehow convinces her to marry. The clock starts to tick: will she conceive, have a baby, and lose Harold (and the child) to his planet before he discovers emotion and starts to care?