Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment – such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing “Neckbelts” and a study finding that “depression hits losers hardest”. This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

An incredibly bright, but socially awkward teenage girl decides to take her virginity into her own hands.

A penniless history teacher Seok-bong had no interest in how his younger brother Joo-bong, a promising businessman at a construction firm, has been doing his whole life. At their father’s funeral, the family reunion is made in many years in their hometown Andong, but Seok-bong is only after the relics at home that could make money and Joo-bong is after winning the contract of Andong highway construction project for his company. One day, they hit a mysterious lady named ‘Aurora’ by car who starts to suffer from memory loss after the accident. As time goes by, two brothers find secrets of their family through this lady that they had never known.

Teacher Linda Sinclair (Julianne Moore) balances her staid home life with an incredible passion for her subject, but her routine is forever altered when a former star pupil and his unsupportive father reenter her life. Go-to television director Craig Zisk, whose credits include Scrubs, Weeds and United States of Tara, takes a turn on the big screen with this insightful comedy about self-discovery co-starring Greg Kinnear, Nathan Lane, Michael Angarano and Lily Collins.

Angela de Marco is fed up with her gangster husband’s line of work and wants no part of the crime world. When her husband is killed for having an affair with the mistress of mob boss Tony “The Tiger” Russo, Angela and her son depart for New York City to make a fresh start. Unfortunately, Tony has set his sights upon Angela — and so has an undercover FBI agent looking to use her to bust Tony.

Hurricane Bianca is a revenge comedy about a New York teacher who moves to a small town in Texas, gets fired for being gay, and returns disguised in drag to get revenge on the people who were nasty to him.

Johnny “Snooker Man” Bonnar is the UK’s 17th rated Ronnie O’Sullivan lookalike working for the UK’s lowest rated lookalike agency. He enters the world of competitive miniature snooker playing, attempting to become the world champion.

Bachelor football star Joe Kingman seems to have it all. He is wealthy and carefree, and his team is on the way to capturing a championship. Suddenly, he is tackled by some unexpected news: He has a young daughter, the result of a last fling with his ex-wife. Joe must learn to balance his personal and professional lives with the needs of his child.

On the sidewalks of the London theater district the buskers (street performers) earn enough coins for a cheap room. Charles, who recites dramatic monologues, sees that a young pickpocket, Libby, also has a talent for dancing and adds her to his act. Harley, the theater patron who never knew Libby took his gold cigarette case, is impressed by Libby’s dancing and invites her to bring Charles and the other buskers in his group to an after-the-play party. Libby comes alone. A theatrical career is launched.

Xander is a witch whose abuse of black magic has led him to disaster after disaster. After trying to go clean of witchcraft, Xander befriends a young loner, helping Roland with bullies, girlfriends, and other teenage atrocities.

After her parents divorced, Shima Sumitomo lived with her mother. She felt uncomfortable living with her stepfather and she was unable to hang out with people at her high school. Shima Sumitomo decides to move to Hokkaido where her father lives. At her new high school in Hokkaido, she meets classmate Gen Tatebayashi and Wao Sakurai. They are the two most popular boys at her school. A principle of her school is that “Gen and Wao are for everyone.” If anyone breaks the rule, that person will be ostracized. Even so, Shima Sumitomo gets closer to Gen and Wao.

Determined not to turn into her parents, or be drawn into any relationship longer than a one night stand, Zoe constantly struggles with her failing business and love life. Then she falls in love for the first time with Paul. But there’s one problem: Paul is married.